I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
