i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
