between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
