Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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