woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
