good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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