there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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