So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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