I puked a lego.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
