So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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