Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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