There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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