are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
