Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
