i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
