I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
