why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
