He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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