these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
