The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A+ Viking dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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