You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
