The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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