you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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