i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it penis luge time yet?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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