Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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