Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
