I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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