I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
