did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
