I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
