He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
