We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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