i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
