He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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