I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
