tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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