bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
