my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
