i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
