i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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