FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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