This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
