508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I didn't shave. On purpose
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
