I wish I could teleport
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
