Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
