Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
