...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
