Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
