Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
