How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
